Can you separate your identity from the game?

As club championships wrap up across the country, I reflected on my thoughts across the campaign, there is a question I think every serious athlete eventually has to confront:

Who are you when the result doesn't go your way?

It sounds simple, but it becomes surprisingly difficult in GAA circles, where the sport plays a huge part of your identity. Moreover when were in championship and everyone wants to do so well for their community.

When you play well, it is easy to feel good about yourself. When you are selected, win, score, start, or receive positive feedback from a coach, there is plenty of evidence telling you that you are doing something right.

But what happens when those things disappear? And inevitably there are stages where they do.

• You don't get selected

• You have a poor performance

• You lose an important game

• You spend several weeks injured

• Someone else takes your position.

Or you simply go through a period where you aren't enjoying your sport in the same way

While these often appear to be performance issues, they often drift into identity problems

Those who describe themselves as "a footballer" or "a hurler" rather than someone who plays football or hurling. There is nothing inherently wrong with taking pride in your sporting identity. In fact, feeling that sport is an important part of who you are can be incredibly motivating. Especially at this time of year. The difficulty comes when performance becomes the evidence you use to decide your worth.

• If I play well, I'm good enough

• If I'm selected, I'm valued

• If we win, I'm successful

• If I don't perform, something must be wrong with me

That creates a very fragile foundation

It is particularly problematic in GAA because so much of the feedback athletes receive is external

Selection, match statistics, scores, league tables, awards, social media, coaches' opinions and other people's expectations constantly provide information about how you're supposedly doing. This feedback is 10 times stronger during championship season.

The more your identity depends on those outcomes, the more volatile performance actually becomes.

This has led me to look more at values in my work with athletes for this reason.

Your outcome can change in a matter of seconds. Your values don't have to. You might lose despite playing well. You might win despite playing poorly. You might be dropped despite doing everything you can. You might perform brilliantly one weekend and struggle the next.

If your identity is built around the outcome, you are constantly having to rebuild yourself. But if your identity is also connected to values that you can consistently demonstrate - being courageous, disciplined, supportive, curious, resilient, committed, or a good teammate - then your sense of self becomes much more stable.

Results still matter though. Elite athletes should care about winning. They should want to perform. They should have ambition. This isn't about being indifferent to outcomes. It's to make sure outcomes aren't the only thing telling you who you are.

This is where psychological flexibility becomes particularly important. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, values provide a direction for behaviour rather than a destination that can be achieved once and ticked off.

That distinction is useful in sport. "Winning the championship” is an outcome. "Be courageous when the game becomes difficult" is a way of living your values. You might achieve the first. You can repeatedly practise the second. It gives you something to return to when things inevitably become difficult.

I'd encourage you to consider three questions in future:

• If nobody knew the result of your next game, what would you still want your performance to say about you?

• Which qualities do you want to be known for as a teammate?

• Who are you when you're not performing?

  
  

That last question can be uncomfortable, but the aim is to build an identity strong enough that you can care deeply about sport without allowing it to determine your entire sense of self.

That's something I increasingly try to help athletes explore in my work. Performance psychology isn't simply about getting an athlete to perform better on the day. It's also about helping them develop a relationship with performance that remains psychologically healthy when the day doesn't go according to plan.

Because eventually, every athlete experiences failure. Every athlete experiences selection disappointment. Every athlete has a bad day. And when that happens, the question cannot just be "How do I get my performance back?", it needs to consider; "Can I remain connected to who I am while I do?"

Your performance is something you do. It is not the entirety of who you are. And the more secure that distinction becomes, the more freedom you may actually find in your performance.

Want to talk it through?

If you want to take the next step next year book a free 20-minute call and let's have a chat about how I can support you.

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Eddy